Can you sleep while the wind blows?

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast.
He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were
reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic . They dreaded the
awful storms that raged across the Atlantic , wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.
As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received
A steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached
the farmer. 'Are you a good farm hand?' the farmer asked him.
'Well, I can sleep when the wind blows,' answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help,
Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from
dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.
Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore.
Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed
next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the
little man and yelled, 'Get up! A storm is coming!
Tie things down before they blow away!'
The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, 'No
sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows.'

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on
the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.
To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had
been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred.
The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his
hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while
the wind blew.



When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically,
you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the
wind blows through your life?
The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he
had secured the farm against the storm.
We secure ourselves against the storms of life by
grounding ourselves in the Word of God.
We don't need to understand, we just need to hold
His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

A friend of mine sent this to me today,
and I enjoyed it so much, that I wanted to send it to you.
I hope you enjoy your day and you sleep well.

Peanut

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say,
"It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really, was
it small?"

Sally replied, "No, salty!"

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew
she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious,
he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always
a rough draft before the masterpiece


SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU
THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about
who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get
up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get
our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking
around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and
I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee..'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it
indeed says 'HEBREWS'

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know
how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted
to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
you !

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day....

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter..

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'

Dinner

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (or the uncertainty of the English language).

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married. Did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you". The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. All the DNA is the same .
2. There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun? What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell."

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K., but I didn't like the four-letter word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say,"
asked the nurse. "OOPS"

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." He's still in intensive care.

Golfing

One day a man went golfing. On the fourth tee he was separated from his friends momentarily, and bumped into a passing demon. "Hey," said the demon, "How'd you like to make a hole in one?"

"What's the catch?" said the man suspiciously.

"It will shorten your sex life by five years," replied the demon.

"Hmmm . . . okay," said the man, and went on to make a spectacular shot, a hole in one, just as ordered. On the next tee, he again bumped into the demon. "How'd you like to make it two holes-in-one, back-to-back?"
said the demon.

"It's only been done five times in the history of golf."

"What's the pay back this time?" said the man. "It will shorten your sex life by another twenty years," said the demon.

"I guess," agreed the man, and again he made an amazing shot. All his friends were amazed and people were coming from miles around to see the man who had made two holes-in-one in the same game!

On the next hole, the man again bumped into the demon, who proposed yet again. "Look, another hole-in-one would mean three in a row. It's never been done in the history of the world! C'mon!"

"No problem," said the man, agreeing.

"What do I have to give up this time?"

"You may never touch a person of the opposite sex ever again for the rest of your life." said the demon.

"Okay!" said the man.

He went on to make his third consecutive hole-in-one.
.And that's how Father Jones got into the Guinness Book of Records!

Your Relationship Is On The Rocks

She shaves your eyebrows off while you are asleep.

She rushes to answer the phone each time it rings, and puts it down saying, "I can't talk now... I'll call you later."

Your picture on her wall has darts in it.

She reads books like "Women are From Venus, Men Are Complete Assholes."

She falls asleep while having sex *with you* .

When you call her, she answers your voice with, "Oh. It's only you."

She cancels your date because she has to clean out the septic tank.

She makes inquiries about going on the Witness Protection Program.

And the Number One Sign Your Relationship Is On The Rocks

Is her cat pees on you and receives a reward

Eye On Jakarta….

Salsa...

Good & kind Lawyer

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat
grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 metre high!'

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers. (Also, don't sent this to your good friend who is also a lawyer)!!

How To Make a Woman Happy?

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY....A MAN ONLY NEEDS TO BE :

01. a friend
02. a companion
03. a lover
04. a brother
05. a father
06. a master
07. a chef
08. an electrician
09. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO :

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she
goes.

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT :

53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :

1. Leave him alone


CONCLUSION :
WOMAN ARE VERY COMPLICATED

Water Fountain...

Humorous Posters ...

Finkstrom's Funnies .. !

Vietnam Liquor

Anyone for a drink….??
Fancy some ............................ummmmm...............






















These potent potables might be enough to turn you into a tee-totaler. Whiskey, vodka, and wines have been ameliorated with... well, see for youself. They say the whiskey is steeped for several months, which imparts a "unique flavour" into the drink, giving it an acquired taste. Undoubtedly. And what food compliments such beverages? Roasted scorpions, of course.....

The Day After ... !

Coolest way to get in your car . !!

Revision of the 60's Song Titles

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo? as if it were yesterday .




They include:

Bobby Darin ---Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash



Herman's Hermits ---Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker



Ringo Starr ---I Get By With A Little Help From Depends



The Bee Gees -- -How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?




Roberta Flack---The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face



Johnny Nash ---I Can't See Clearly Now.



Paul Simon---Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver




The Commodores ---Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom



Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade Of Hair



Leo Sayer ---You Make Me Feel Like Napping



The Temptations ---Papa's Got A Kidney Stone



Abba---Denture Queen




"You haven't seen my teeth have you Wilma?

Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling
If You Hear Me Fall



Helen Reddy ---I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore



Leslie Gore---It's My Procedure, And I'll Cry If I Want To



And Last but NOT least...

Willie Nelson ---On the Commode Again