Signs to bring you a Smile

Amazing Two Headed Snakes

Time

A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little
Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell
me
the time?"

The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It
is
a quarter to three, young man."

"Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my
ass."

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged
businessman started chasing him. He has not been running long when
an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?"
asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said,"That
little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to
three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"

"So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten
minutes."

Confession ....

There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of
the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad
for
one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had to
come straight back and tell him what they did.

The first nun comes back, and the priest asked, "And what did you do
wrong, Sister?"

"I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ."

"Very well, go drink holy water."

The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards.

"And what did you do wrong, Sister?" he asks again.

"I mooned a monk, and nearly gave him a heart attack."

"Very well, go drink holy water."

Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks,
"And what did you do wrong, Sister?"

"I peed in the holy water."

Golf

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the
16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it slices
into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his
ball and comes across this little guy with a huge lump on his head
and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the
golfer. then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon
awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and
square. I am a leprechaun, and I will grant you three wishes." The
man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't
hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself "Well,
he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do
something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would
want. I'll give him unlimited money (so he'll never have to go
without a pint of ale), a great golf game and a great sex life."

A few weeks later the Irishman is out golfing again. As he's
walking to the 16th green, he hears a voice calling him from the
woods. He walks over, and sees the leprechaun again. He asks how
his head is feeling.
The leprechaun says, "Oh, I'm fine. And might I ask how your golf
game is?" The golfer says, "It's funny you should ask, but it's been
amazing.
It seems I can't miss anymore!" "I did that for you," responds the
leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?" "Well,
now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I
pull out a twenty dollar bill" he replied. The leprechaun smiles
and says, "I did that for you, too. And might I ask how your love
life is?" Now the golfer looks around, as if to be sure that no one
else can hear and says in a low voice, "Well, it's been okay." "Just
okay?" the leprechaun asks. "How often do you have sex?" "Oh, maybe
once or twice a week."
Floored, the leprechaun stammers, "Only once or twice a week?" The
golfer replies, "Well, that's really not bad for a Catholic priest
in a small parish."

Pork Chops

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth
to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs.Unfortunately,
Due to complications in the pregnancy,the cubs
were born prematurely and due to their tiny size,
they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery,
suddenly started to decline in health,
Although physically she was fine.

The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter
had caused the tigress to fall into a depression.

The doctors decidedthat if the tigress could surrogate
another mother's cubs,

perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country,
the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs
of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother..

The veterinarians decided to try something
that had never been tried in a zoo environment.

Sometimes a mother of one specieswill take on the
care of a different species.

The only orphans' that could be found quickly,
were a litter of weanling pigs.

The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger
skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger...

Would they become cubs or pork chops?

Take a look...you won't believe your eyes






Now, please tell me one more time ...
Why can't the rest of the world get along?