Horse

There were these two horses standing at the bar. One said to the
other "how ya doin?"...other replied, "not so good...the other day I
was in a race and there were so many GREAT horses and jockeys I
figured 'screw it,' I ain't runnin' this race and all of a sudden
this big fucken tapeworm starts squirming up in my arsehole, so I
bolted off and I won by a head."

The other horse said, "no kiddin' yesterday I was in a race and the
same thing...I figured 'screw it,' I ain't runnin' and half way
around the track...WHOOSH! My hemorrhoid burst. Pus and shit
everywhere.......fuck it hurt....I ran like a bastard to try and
itch the fucker, and guess what? I won!"

This greyhound walks up to the two horses and says, "'scuse me but I
couldn't help but overhear you guys.
Just today I was in a race and there were so many great dogs I
figured 'screw it' I ain't runnin' in this race. All of a sudden
this little cunt of a wasp stung my balls. I yelped and jumped like
a motherfucker, and I won by a length!!

One horse looked at the other and said, "WELL FUCK ME, A TALKIN'
DOG!!!"